To Zeus, King of the Gods,
Midas was a rich, gold-loving, and powerful king who lived in the country of Phrygia, in Asia Minor. He was was also very foolish in my opinion, and my opinion is one that matters. Anyways, I was passing through the kingdom of Midas with my satyr companion, Silenus who, coincidentally, managed to get himself lost in King Midas’ famous rose gardens. Annoyed by the delay, I waited for him until a thin, weary servant (from Midas’ palace) fetched me. Shortness of breath could not stop the flood of words flowing from his mortal mouth, and he talked my ear of until we got to the palace, where we found Silenus waiting. The lazy old goat had fallen asleep and completely forgotten about me. (I really must curse him with something or other). That evening, Midas held a banquet in my favor. I, in order to appear gracious and kind (like I really am) in front of so many people, promised to satisfy one of the king’s wishes.
Midas thought for a moment, then grandly exclaimed, “I wish everything I touch becomes strawberries!”
“What? STRAWBERRIES! I thought you loved gold,” I gasped. As you can imagine, the crowd was dumbstruck also, I mean, who hasn’t heard of King Midas’ obsession with gold?
“My daughter sat me down and talked with me yesterday about my…problem with gold,” he replied, “And recently, I have come to adore strawberries. OOH! They will call me the Strawberry King, King of the Jam! Berry Boy! Ha ha!”
I began to fear that strawberries were an even worse passion than gold. Imagine King Midas disliked a simple court jester. He could merely eat the jokester with toast the next morning! And what if delegates displeased the King? The results of this wish could be disastrous! But King Midas was still going.
“My dynasty shall be called The Reign of the Red-Berry! I shall be known as the Royal Fruit! Ah ha!”
This continued for some time. But nevermind silly mortals, how are you? How is Hera? How are your heros?
P.S. Do you need me to drive anyone crazy?