Satire: New Phones

Max Wood GRZEXP Staff

On October 23, 2020 Apple released the newest iphone, the Iphone 12. After skipping number nine, Apple has released ten and eleven to the public and received great appreciation for their hard work. The newest iPhone has four different versions available to the public. These 4 phones are bigger and better than any that have come before. 

The iPhone 12 will cost somewhere between 750 and 850 dollars. It will also be six inches long from corner to corner. If you don’t have a ruler handy go to Subway and buy a 6 inch sandwich. Then proceed to stick that sandwich in your pocket and boom the iPhone 12 experience made cheap. 

UKRAINE – 2020/10/14: In this photo illustration a screenshot from Apple’s launch promotional material of the New iPhone12 Pro seen displayed on a mobile phone screen with an Apple logo in the background. (Photo Illustration by Pavlo Gonchar/SOPA Images/LightRocket via Getty Images)

If you want the iphone 12, but don’t want to have it be six inches then you can buy the iphone 12 mini. It comes with all the same resources as the Iphone 12 but is just five inches long. Why they don’t just mass produce the Mini, I don’t know. The catch is that they don’t release this version until November 13, 2020. So if you don’t have giant pockets it’s going to be a long wait.

The Iphone 12 pro is the exact same size as the original iphone twelve but comes with three cameras instead of two. Apparently even with six inches of space they couldn’t make four cameras. The only reason the iPhone twelve pro max exists is so that Apple can make it six point seven inches long. Apple will soon have to release Ipockets to fit these massive phones. Make sure to not buy pockets to only fit these, the iphone thirteen might just be an ipad that they pass off as a phone. Apple was kind though, and put the Iphone twelve on a diet and exercise plan because the iPhone 11 was an astounding one hundred ninety four grams. The new Iphone twelve although taller dropped thirty grams and is now one hundred and sixty four grams. 

The iPhone 12 received major updates and a half inch growth spurt from the iPhone 11. Apple continues to impress the public with its newest invention. The future of phones is looking up if Apple continues to do well. 

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