Short Story

The Origin of Saint Patrick’s Day

GRZEXP Staff- Nash Coons

“My king,” the guard said, “We have an intru-.” At that very moment the leprechaun was hit by a plunger. Plungers are very dangerous to leprechauns. They are unable to break the suction when it is stuck to them, and they refuse to breathe in the horrible smell. They end up holding their breath until they pass out. 

“Balor Slaugh,” said the leprechaun king, “If it isn’t the bathroom assassin. I banished you from our lands 22 years ago, to the lands of my cousin.”

“My apologies, my king,” he said mockingly, “Perhaps, I should leave.”

“My cousin has the best prison chambers in all of Ireland. How did you escape?!” he demanded.

“It does not matter, for it only matters that I am here,” he replied, “And that sooner or later that throne will be mine, preferably sooner!” Balor then took another plunger, and threw it directly at the face of the king. He then walked up the steps of pure gold, to his throne and tied the king up with a roll of toilet paper. He threw his body aside, and took his throne. “You, boy, come here.” He ignored him, and continued to scrub the floors. “Now!” The servant hesitated, but eventually came. “You have forty-eight hours to deliver this message to the Clurichauns. Tell their king that I have taken over this kingdom, and that I am coming for him next. If you are not back right here before the time is up, I will throw in the sewers. Now do you understand?” He forcefully asked.

“Who are the Clurichauns?” he quietly responded.

It looked as if Balor would explode with rage when he asked this. “They are your cousins, the Leprechaun’s cousins! Their king is the cousin of what used to be your king! What do you people learn in school these days? Now hurry up!”

The servant, shaking with fear, gave a quick nod and sprinted out of the castle, and did not stop until he was off the castle grounds. Even when head general Pickles O’Grady hollered at him, he just kept running. If he hurried, he could make it to the Clurichaun’s border by dawn. 

By midnight, the young boy had made it to the clover forest, and by two o’clock he had passed the swamp. He finally reached the border of the neighbouring kingdom at the crack of dawn. He was greeted by a guard. Unlike the Leprechauns who dressed in green, the Clurichauns dressed in red. 

“Why in the name of Ireland is there a leprechaun at our front gates at this time?”

“It is urgent the,” the boy responded, “I have a message for the king.”

“Well alright, I’ll take you to him.” They began walking, and the village slowly came into site, and then the castle. As they walked through the village, people were staring at them. His green clothes made him stand out. They approached the castle gates, and were met by another guard.

“Why in the name of Ireland is there a leprechaun at the castle’s front gates at this time?”

The guard with the boy responded, “He has a message for the king. He says it is urgent.”

“Well alright, I’ll take you to him.” They walked into the castle and approached the throne room. They were stopped by a servant, but the two guards just pushed past him, and they walked in. “My king,” the guard said, “This Leprechaun has an urgent message from your cousin.”

“What is it boy?” the king said.“Balor Slaugh has invaded our kingdom and has taken it over. He said he is coming for you next.”

“What! He betrayed the treaty we had signed.”

“What are you talking about?” the boy said.

“He paid us one hundred pots of gold in exchange for his freedom. As part of the deal we signed a peace treaty. He is going against it now. There is no hope now, he is too powerful. Well, who wants to join me for one last meal before this kingdom is taken over?”

The boy did not resist. He had not eaten since he left. They sat down at a large table and enjoyed their bowls of Lucky Charms cereal. They sat in silence after, thinking about what was to come.”

“That’s it,” one of the guards said. “I have an idea, my king. There are only two beings more powerful than Balor. We could send for one to destroy him.”

“Who are these powerful beings?” asked the king.”

“Well, one is Santa Claus, but he is on vacation. I heard he had a rough year. That leaves us with only one option. We must send for the Easter bunny.”

“It is our last hope,” answered the king. “Where is the Easter bunny, though?”

“He is preparing eggs for the upcoming holiday in his burrow.” 

“Boy, get the Easter bunny. Tell him the circumstances we are in, and tell him we need him now. And take this.” He handed him a four leaf clover. “This will tell you which direction to go. We will try to fight Balor as long as we can.”

“Yes sir,” responded the boy, and he then left to find the Easter bunny. He trekked through a beautiful, green pasture. It seemed it would never end, but it finally did. The green grass suddenly stopped, and all that he could see in front of him was a bare, desolate desert. He continued to walk, as that was where the four leaf clover said to go. He was walking with his head down, when he was poked in the leg by something. He looked up and noticed a wall of thorned branches. The four leaf clover said to continue. Fortunately, his rather small body could slide through the fortress. It took a very long time to carefully navigate the thorns. He approached the end, and stumbled out. When he looked up he realized where he was. It was the most beautiful place he had ever seen, and in the very middle of all it was a small burrow. The clover had stopped directing, so he knew he must be there. 

He crept into the burrow, and was amazed by what he saw. It was a room of incredible size. In the corner, he could see eggs being painted, and in the opposite wall there was a massive pot, boiling eggs, and in the middle was the Easter bunny. A very unhappy Easter bunny who was staring directly at the boy. The Easter bunny was different than he imagined. He stood on his back two legs, and was three times the size of him.

“What on Earth, are you doing here?” he said stubbornly.

“The Leprechauns, our kingdom has been taken over by Balor Slaugh, and he is coming for the Clurichauns next. We need your help, now!”

“Well that is unfortunate because I am very busy, so you are invited to leave.”

“We will pay you one hundred pots of gold.” The boy said this on his own. The king said nothing about a deal, but this got the Easter bunny thinking. 

“Ok, I’ll do it. Stinky!” he shouted, “You’re in charge, I’m leaving.”

“Ok,” said a very gruff voice off in the distance.

They climbed out of the burrow. “We do not have to climb through those.” The boy had started walking towards the thorny branches. “We can use my airplane.”

“Why do you have an airplane?”

“It is how I ship all of my eggs. I also have some things in there that can defeat your enemy.” The boy sat in the back, and they soon took off. They could see that the battle had already begun. “We must find Balor. I have the perfect thing to take him out.”

“Ok,” the boy said. They circled above, and a few minutes later they had found him. “There,” he said, “He is going towards the castle. He has taken out our army.”

“I see him,” he said. The nose of the plane started to tilt down, and they went into a very steep dive. The leveled out very close to the ground. We could see a few more guards were fighting off Balor. “We must stop him now. If he gets into the castle it is over.” The plane quickly sped up. The Easter bunny turned left towards the battle, and a faint mist started to come from the back of the plane.

“What is that?” the boy asked.

“It’s air freshener. Balor absolutely hates it. He will pass out when he smells it.”

“Why do you have air freshener?” the boy asked.

“When I deliver my eggs, my assistant Stinky usually joins me. The name should explain it all.” They kept moving closer to them, and the mist just kept coming. They passed directly over them, and the Easter Bunny turned the mist off. “It is only a matter of time before he smells it.” He was right. A few seconds later they saw Balor fall over. The Easter bunny landed his plane in one of the streets of the town, and got out and walked towards the castle. They walked into the throne room where the king was talking to a guard, joyfully.

“The Easter bunny, you have saved the kingdom,” the king said when saw him.

“All right, cool. Now where’s the money,” he responded.

“What are you talking about?”

“This boy said you would pay me one hundred pots of gold.”

“I said no such thing. I do not have one hundred pots of gold anyway. I spent most of our gold in order to battle Balor.”

“Lucky for you, we will gladly pay you one hundred fifty pots of gold,” said the Leprechaun king. He had walked in the throne room.

“You are ok,” said the boy.

“Yes, now one hundred pots of gold for taking out Balor, and fifty for the antidote you used to take him out. As for you boy, I will give you one hundred pots of gold for your efforts. This day will be known as Saint Patricks day from now on.”

“Why Saint Patricks?” asked the Claudichan king.

“I don’t know,” he responded, “It just has a nice ring to it.”

They all lived happily ever after.

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